Why My Talent Is Never Going To Change

So if you've seen my talent recently I'm sure you have your opinions on it. I used to sing. In fact I did very well when I sang and won titles with it. But this post is to tell you that I won't be doing it again. Despite what every director, family member, best friend, and loving critic will tell me: I'm. Not. Doing. It.

Here's why:

The Miss America/Miss Texas organization is many things to many people. For me, it is not life. It enhances my life, but that is not the end-all-be-all for me. I do pageants to learn skills and make a difference. Talent is huge for the Miss America system. We are told, "it's your 90 seconds to showcase who you are to the judges." I took that to heart. Singing is a great talent and can really have a purpose for some people, but for me it never stuck. I picked a song I liked or that I thought would mean something to me or show what meant something to me-- which meant it was usually about God, and I tried my best to pour my heart into it. But something was always missing. There was this sense of anxiety about singing for me. It never sounded good enough or felt genuine enough, and even though people approved and told me it was great, it just felt like a talent I had to have to be competitive in pageant world. It wasn't something Alex would use to showcase her heart and her passions. I didn't feel genuine, I didn't feel confident, and I didn't feel like I was sticking with my personal brand when I sang. 

That's when I found spoken word. I love, love, LOVE listening to the rhythmic poems of artists and I'm always moved by the emotional aspect of this art form. It takes a lot of creativity and passion to be successful in spoken word. Things have to flow- unless jarring the audience enhances your purpose- the music has to be right. There's a lot that goes into a piece like that. I wrote my own poem about the consequences and impact of words on a generation. It's actually a post right here on this blog. I wrote about the negativity we constantly instill in our children and the way they use it growing up. This negativity affects the way teenagers perceive their own influence. That's why I wrote my platform the way that I did. I propose the introduction of a mentor relationship within the Waco community to help combat the negative impacts of words in teens: to encourage teenagers to be more, do more, and believe all things. Spoken word to me isn't just singing a song that showcases my voice, or doing something to help me score points for 90 seconds. Spoken Word is something that I believe can be astonishing and immersive and powerful and captivating: all things that I want to be when I grow up.

Sure, I could change my talent and win a title and continue competing at Miss Texas, but I'm a lot more stubborn than that. If it doesn't mean something to me I don't want to do it. I bring pageantry into my life, not the other way around. I want to be authentic and consistent even if it means giving up opportunities. So no, I may never win a title again. I'm not what a typical pageant personality looks or acts like: on-stage and off. But I will continue to do spoken word. Because that's what I stand for.

If you want an idea of what spoken word looks like, here's a link to one of my all-time favorite pieces titled "A 'Godless' Generation" by Jon Jorgenson. It's riveting and, as a Christian, it makes you think.