Coffee Date With Sara

Today I'm starting my Coffee Date series. I thought I would do an interesting monthly segment on people who are successfully navigating life and not always doing it the conventional way. The idea is to highlight people who are-- in short-- pretty awesome and winning at life.

Photo taken by Sharon Elizabeth Photography
Makeup by Kristine Marie Artistry

My first candidate to share with you guys is probably one of my most favorite people. She is a great mom, bonus mom, and person in general. She works so hard and is the most genuine individual.

Here's Sara.


Name: Sara Andrews

Currently Resides in: Virginia Beach, VA

Fun Fact: My grandma and I are the only ones in my family to have ever been arrested...

Three things you can't live without:

Family (friends and dogs included). Delicious food. Beautycounter Cleansing Balm

What's your morning routine? 

Wash face and apply all necessary Beautycounter products. Take dog out and get child out of bed. Drink warm lemon water while perusing business emails and social media accounts.

How many times do you hit snooze? 0 times

What's your greatest strength? Hardworking problem solver

What's your greatest weakness? Self doubt

What's your take on the following: Motherhood, Work Life, Fashion, Lifestyle? 

Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield. Seems to apply to most situations in life.

Complete this sentence: The best advice I've ever gotten was ___.
"Actions over words."

Why My Talent Is Never Going To Change

So if you've seen my talent recently I'm sure you have your opinions on it. I used to sing. In fact I did very well when I sang and won titles with it. But this post is to tell you that I won't be doing it again. Despite what every director, family member, best friend, and loving critic will tell me: I'm. Not. Doing. It.

Here's why:

The Miss America/Miss Texas organization is many things to many people. For me, it is not life. It enhances my life, but that is not the end-all-be-all for me. I do pageants to learn skills and make a difference. Talent is huge for the Miss America system. We are told, "it's your 90 seconds to showcase who you are to the judges." I took that to heart. Singing is a great talent and can really have a purpose for some people, but for me it never stuck. I picked a song I liked or that I thought would mean something to me or show what meant something to me-- which meant it was usually about God, and I tried my best to pour my heart into it. But something was always missing. There was this sense of anxiety about singing for me. It never sounded good enough or felt genuine enough, and even though people approved and told me it was great, it just felt like a talent I had to have to be competitive in pageant world. It wasn't something Alex would use to showcase her heart and her passions. I didn't feel genuine, I didn't feel confident, and I didn't feel like I was sticking with my personal brand when I sang. 

That's when I found spoken word. I love, love, LOVE listening to the rhythmic poems of artists and I'm always moved by the emotional aspect of this art form. It takes a lot of creativity and passion to be successful in spoken word. Things have to flow- unless jarring the audience enhances your purpose- the music has to be right. There's a lot that goes into a piece like that. I wrote my own poem about the consequences and impact of words on a generation. It's actually a post right here on this blog. I wrote about the negativity we constantly instill in our children and the way they use it growing up. This negativity affects the way teenagers perceive their own influence. That's why I wrote my platform the way that I did. I propose the introduction of a mentor relationship within the Waco community to help combat the negative impacts of words in teens: to encourage teenagers to be more, do more, and believe all things. Spoken word to me isn't just singing a song that showcases my voice, or doing something to help me score points for 90 seconds. Spoken Word is something that I believe can be astonishing and immersive and powerful and captivating: all things that I want to be when I grow up.

Sure, I could change my talent and win a title and continue competing at Miss Texas, but I'm a lot more stubborn than that. If it doesn't mean something to me I don't want to do it. I bring pageantry into my life, not the other way around. I want to be authentic and consistent even if it means giving up opportunities. So no, I may never win a title again. I'm not what a typical pageant personality looks or acts like: on-stage and off. But I will continue to do spoken word. Because that's what I stand for.

If you want an idea of what spoken word looks like, here's a link to one of my all-time favorite pieces titled "A 'Godless' Generation" by Jon Jorgenson. It's riveting and, as a Christian, it makes you think.

Do More Doodles

I thought I'd try something a little different for this post. It correlates with pageants and the latest news in my life right now but it also shares a little bit more about who I am.

I like to draw.

Correction. I like to doodle.

Doodling is different because it's not precise. It doesn't have to turn into any perfect form of a picture or some living object. Doodling is putting my hand to the paper and starting small until the bigger picture comes into focus.

In order to make my doodles more intricate I have to focus. And trust me, at the end of the day when my mind is running millions of directions and my to do list is a mile long that is just the thing I need: focus.

I like to start with an outline because it's fun to take a shape and turn it into art. It brings things to life.

 Sometimes I use a pencil if I'm not sure how an idea will turn out.

 But most of the time I just use pen and go with what I'm feeling.

I like to put it on a screen and see the detail in digital format. (I'm just a nerd, but I think it's cool.)

Sometimes I add color.

This one was requested by a friend. I think you can see my emotions in it, but mostly I was trying to stick to the type of personality she had.

 I do logos when I think they are cool.

 And lettering has been something I've always done.

 My aunt got me a sketchpad and pens for my birthday...

 Terrible/wonderful idea...

 I do things for online and social media posts.

 And my most recent project has been something a little different.

I believe that you can take anything you love to do and make it work for anything you are driven to achieve. I believe that art (and even simpler forms of it) can make a difference because it moves people. It inspires and encourages people. We are capable of so much more than we often let ourselves believe. I believe in showing people that.

I started drawing for a purpose. Balloons for Children's Miracle Network, Animals that let you know about local non-profits that really need support, and even logos for companies that are revolutionizing the personal care industry.

I believe that, like people, doodles can do more.

 If you would like to make a donation to Children's Miracle Network, go to http://www.missamericaforkids.org/Donate/AlexAndrews2015 and click the button. Send me a screenshot with your favorite colors and I'll send you a doodle that matters.

How to Deal with "That Girl"

Jealousy, Distraction, and Taylor Swift.

We all have it. That bug from our childhood we never quite shake. I think the radiation from all the technology only makes it grow stronger.

Comparison.

Think about it. As human beings, our lives have always depended on being the best and having the best traits in order to survive. In the animal kingdom the alpha male is the strongest and the best fighter of the pack/pride/etc.

Everything is a competition.

Survival is a competition.

We are naturally competitive and the proof is in the fact that we have competitions for nearly any human characteristic imaginable. Want a competition for intelligence? Chess, robotics, scholastic decathlons. Want a competition for athleticism? Sports. Want a competition for musical talents? The entire music industry. Want a more productive company? The natural solution is to introduce healthy competition within the workplace. Even the term "healthy competition" making its way to our vocabulary insinuates our need for competition and comparison.

Then there's "That Girl." You know who I'm talking about. Specifically for you Junior High and High School girls.

She is good at everything she does. She tries really hard to impress everyone. She dresses up, does anything and everything, has a million doting followers on Instagram, and takes forever to load the perfect selfie. She wakes up early every morning to make sure that she looks absolutely perfect before starting the day.

You and your natural competitive self have tried anything and everything and no matter what you do, she always gets the attention. She wins every competition. Everyone loves her.

And it gets under your last nerve.

Let's talk about what happens when competition turns south. This is a lovely word called jealousy.

*Cue the poetic perfection that is Taylor Swift.

It doesn't matter what she does, this chick just gets under your skin!

My advice: let it go.

Let her go. 

I know this sounds like the most counterproductive advice ever, but seriously, she's not worth your time.

You work hard. 

You do what you need to do to be on top; because in the end, you'll be better at what you do because you worked for it. It didn't come easy.

Don't be a sore loser. 

There is an amazing word called tenacity. Learn it. It means you tried, you gave it your best, you were not good enough this time, but you continued anyway. You are a unique individual, and there will be times in your life when who you are is not what is wanted/required in that moment. Does that mean you are a failure? Absolutely not! It just means it wasn't your opportunity. Taking a loss with grace is a lot better than being the one who never loses. That person is going to have a rough night when they don't get their way.

Ultimately, as a big sister, the best advice I can give is that girls suck. Girls are so competitive even among their friend groups. 

So darling understand this: 

YOU ARE AWESOME AND THE BEST WAY TO WIN AT LIFE IS TO LIVE IT AS YOURSELF AND ONLY YOURSELF. 

Even Taylor Swift made awkward cool.

Ask Me What Love Is

“Age is just a number. Some people are young at 90. Some are old at 19.”

I don’t think I am exactly an old soul, but I would like to believe that I have a tendency to think about things much deeper than people would expect from “someone my age.” 

I was told once that according to the Bible, God exists outside of the realm of time—that time was just a concept we mere humans made up to comprehend the vast mystery that is God. I read that God “Was and Is and Is to Come…” (Revelation 1:8 and Revelation 4:8) meaning God is everywhere… every-when all at once.

So, doesn’t it stand to reason that love (if you believe as I do that God created love for humans to understand the significance of our place on Earth to God) is also outside the realm of time? Don’t you just love all of those stories we hear couples in their 90s tell about being together for 70+ years? Have you ever done the math? Sometimes those couples found each other when they were 16. Think of the most mature 16-year-old you know; can you imagine them getting hitched right now? Of course not! We also treat 16-year-olds about the same as we do 12 year olds now.

Why do we do that? Why do we expect so much less of teenagers now? Is it because we don’t think they are capable of doing extraordinary things or because we have just gotten used to the idea that “all teenagers are lazy with no ambition?” Though most of the time it is unintentional, and I do mean MOST OF THE TIME, I do believe that older adults have gotten it into their heads that modern teenagers’ only skill sets include sleeping, schoolwork, and operating a cell phone. We are given no real responsibility because we are immediately deemed “not fit to handle it.” For the purpose of this article however, I’m not going to go too far into that, but I do have some thoughts I will share in a later post.

For now, I am inviting you to ask me, a nineteen year old undergraduate student with no set plan for her life and no idea the general direction she’s walking in, “What is love?”

If you had asked me three years ago, I would have said it didn’t exist. The love God talked about was only attainable with some divine intervention of sorts. We as humans could not conjure it.

Now… I believe F. Scott Fitzgerald said it best when he said, “There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.”

I’ve been told countless times, “You don’t know what love is. You’re too young.” I’ve seen the skepticism on my parents’ faces the first time I mentioned marrying my boyfriend.

Prejudices, life experiences, general parental concern is understandable (in my parents’ defense) but assuming I would make one very important life decision based on the same standards as the ones they used seems a little silly to me. No offense guys.

Maybe it would be best to explain this way:

What Love Is: As Told by a Nineteen-Year-Old

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

Love is humility and humor all wrapped up into one.

Love is courage and finding strength in someone other than yourself.

Love is leaning into something unfamiliar and having complete and utter faith.

Love is being home alone and dancing to music like crazies.

Love is trying to tell a story and failing miserably, but always knowing your best friend is going to laugh anyway.

Love is knowing little things not because you were told, but because you pay attention.

Love is him driving all the way up to the place you’re working in late at night just to kill a spider since you will obviously die if it leaves your sight.

Love is awkward.

Love is weird and silly and spectacular all at the same time.

Love is getting excited when that person holds your hand. 

And when you want them to do that every day for the rest of your life.

Love is being unsure, scared, frustrated, pissed off, and completely insane.

Love is picking on each other like siblings.

Love is falling in love with each other’s families.

Love is writing notes with doodles just because he keeps your doodles in his wallet.

Love is his face when he’s talking about something he cares about.

Love is driving to his house at the most random time just because you are mad at him and need to talk it out.

Love is when he says he’s sorry.

Love is when you say you’re sorry.

Love is when you melt in his arms because you’re sure the world has stopped and your worries have magically disappeared.

Love is wanting your person to be the first person you tell about something exciting.

Love is saving your money just so you can buy him some ridiculous toy he’s going to be so excited about. Just so he’s happy.

Love is laughing so hard you cry.

Love is chasing each other around the room like children.

Love is sacrificing things for each other—on purpose.

Love is waking up to him playing with your hair.

Love is going for a walk… or a four-mile hike.

Love is making plans.

Love is being so damn sure of those plans.

Love is dirty jokes.

Love is difficult and utilizes any available conflict-resolution skills you can attain.

Love is showing each other off.

Love is doing stupid things together.

Love is doing stupid things apart and telling each other about it.

Love is trusting another human…. Completely.

Love is listening to each other’s music.

Love is questioning the world together.

Love is exploring and adventuring.

Love is letting down the walls.

Love is crying into his chest and ruining his shirts.

Love is him literally picking you up when you can’t stand any longer.

Love is talking on the phone.

Love is nicknames no one understands.

Love is not making him guess what you're feeling.

Love is kisses on the forehead.

Love is pinky promises.

Love is having another person who is completely interested in you... No matter what it is you are doing.

Love is vulnerable.

Love is compromise.

Love is messing up... over and over and over and over... and being forgiven anyway.

Love is forgiveness.

Love is listening... really listening.

Love is growing… together, separately, and with God.

Ultimately love is knowing—deep down in that unshakeable place where you can’t explain your rationale or emotions—that your best friend is, and forever will, hold an incredible piece of your heart.

Why We Need Miss America

As most of you pageant people know, there was an article written after the Miss America competition last Sunday. This article is in response to that.

Dear Mr. Gallagher,
First of all, you've never worked with, competed in, nor had anything to do with the Miss America organization excepting sitting on your butt watching the live broadcast of finals night. Therefore the fact that I'm dignifying what you've said with a response is beyond me. However I can give you the names of about 56 young women and an entire organization who would stand behind me when I say that it is people like you who motivate us to do what we do.

Let me tell you why:

The 2016 Miss America competition is absolutely necessary because each contestant in the competition is highly qualified, incredibly motivated, and firm in her beliefs. Those are the role models we need--not the all-too-common oversexualized, unhealthy-lifestyle-promoting pop stars of our generation. The goal at the end of the night is not to crown "the perfect woman," but to give one woman the opportunity of a lifetime. The crown on her head is not some justification for being a "basic bitch," but an actual tool. The four points on the crown stand for the four basic pillars of the organization: service, style, scholarship, and success... But I've already written an article on that. It is also a tool in the sense that it provides a platform. How many times have you looked at the crown on her head instead of her face? The crown then becomes a gateway to address the wearer's chosen social issue. Each phase of the competition serves a specific purpose for the women competing and if they--as feminist, opinionated, and determined as most of them are--have no problem doing what they do and find meaning in it, let them do it. I'd rather see a young girl impersonating Miss America than Miley Cyrus.

Now for your list:

1. The Opening Number

Atlantic City was gracious enough to host the entire Miss America class of 2016 for two weeks before you tuned in on Sunday night. As a sponsor,-- and a big one--our host city, and the place of our headquarters, the organization owes an awful lot to the city. The opening number isn't even completely about introducing the contestants. It's about showing off the city.

2. Kevin O'Leary

OSQ is hard AF. Please please please go stand on stage in front of thousands of people and a camera that is recording live for yet millions more and tell me you want the question read quickly with lots of intonation. Go ahead.

3. The Winning Reactions

There are 52 contestants standing on stage. Only 15 are called to move on to the next phase of competition. Then 12, 10, 7... you get it. Each time your name is called you are closer to being the one. How would you react if your team moved on to the next round of playoffs? I say they're genuine.

4. Competition Music

Finals night is, for the girls, the last phase of competition. But for the rest of America, it's all we get to see. So ultimately, to keep the audience entertained, we need a production going on around the girls. You'd be complaining if Nick Jonas picked some obscure music no one had heard before. At least he picked songs people knew and that the girls could get some energy from. And he was hired to do a job, but it's not like it exactly came with an instruction manual. Sit down.

5. Fashion

Everyday people and their fashion are inspired by whatever! I guarantee you if you stopped a normal girl on the street and asked her for her fashion inspiration she'd tell you she saw it on Pinterest. Not every girl is there for her interest in fashion. Not every girl normally has access to designer gowns either, forgive her if her fashion icon comes from her life and not the fashion world.

6. Interesting Facts

She told the world something that was important to her and seemed like an interesting highlight of her life. You got a bunch of people to read your rant... Congratulations.

7. The Monologue

Her interesting fact was actually empowering. There are girls who often get made fun of because of their height and the fact that she worked hard and used the Miss America stage to talk about something she cared deeply about was just added encouragement to girls who are self-conscious about their height. It's not a hindrance, it makes you powerful.

Her monologue was something she wrote herself from her life experience and was ten times better than your article.

8. South Carolina OSQ

Refer to number two. That is her opinion... or it's not. She had twenty seconds to say what came to her mind. Again... you try it.

9. Miss Georgia's On-Stage Question

She didn't pick the question. It doesn't count much toward the final score anyway. It's not as important  as people think it is unless it's really close.

10. Scholarship

You didn't even write this one... You left a link to a video someone else did. But nonetheless this goes back to sponsors again. Let's say a school offered you a full-ride academic scholarship, but you didn't take it because you would rather go to another school and play the sport you love for half the money. Would you deny the fact that another school offered you money? I'm going to guess no. I do believe the words were "made available." By not acknowledging the scholarships donated by state schools--whether they were accepted or not--we lose the gratitude we have for those who were so generous. There are TONS of scholarships that go to waste every year because people didn't bother to apply. That doesn't mean they weren't offered.



In the end, you had good points for an outsider. We do what we do because we love it. For us, pageantry is just another platform--like blogging. We can earn scholarships, gain opportunities, get our opinions heard, and do incredible things. Miss America is proof we need better role models, whether you think so or not.

Link to the article by Mr. Gallagher:

http://www.vh1.com/news/205526/miss-america-why-beauty-pageants-shouldnt-exist/

Words

"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but last I checked, cuts and bruises heal. You can watch them heal with time and you can take medication to lessen the pain.

Words-- words are so much more powerful. They don't just hurt you, they stay in your mind and every time you pull out the memory, you accidentally cut yourself. Words have this ability to snake their way around every wall we put up around our hearts and slice open even the coldest and most rigid of them.

Words are what we are taught from a young age to be the most important thing that makes us human. Words are what separate us from the animals of the earth-- and sometimes what brings us closer.

Words on a page, words on jealous lips, words on a screen, words in your head, they all hurt. Words don't callus with time. Every time we think of them, words just open a new wound we thought we had forgotten about.

Sometimes words manifest themselves physically.

I knew a girl, and her father's words manifested themselves in bruises, and yet another whose words from her own brain manifested themselves as cuts and scars. Neither of them were less beautiful. But the world told them so.

I knew a boy and the words of the people who tormented him manifested themselves in his drawings and he was all but too scared to ask for help because what escape is there now? Everywhere there is a screen, the words come.

Words are a cycle, a never-ending cycle, that gets passed down from generation to generation. Because the only words we were allowed to pick up were words of hate, envy, segregation, and distinction. The only way we could feel better is by not being at the bottom. So we put someone else there.

We think we are brave until we are asked to use words. More than words. Telling the world is hard sometimes, but there are some words people just can't die without hearing.

Sometimes the only words people need are, "I'm listening."